Notable Cast: Stephen Colletti, Jason London, Treat Williams, Nikki Deloach
Review: The low-grade horror movie can be such a cruel beast, making you sift through countless mind numbing wannabes in order to find that one golden nugget. Mask Maker was anything BUT that golden nugget, and a perfect example of the tortures one has to endure in search of the next hidden hit. I don’t know where to start with this hack copy slasher film, because every aspect of the damn thing is bloody awful. The camera work showed no skill, the back story will bore you to tears, the killer is a joke even for F-Grade horror, and the characters make you wish for their sweet release as soon as possible because every minute they were one screen, what little acting credibility left was obliterated. Make Maker is a true example that you need more than gore to win an audience over, no matter how splatterific it is.
Mask Maker tells the story of young couple Jennifer (Deloach) and Evan (Colletti), who recently became home owners of a rustic fixer upper in what could be any southern setting in America. The two are spending the weekend there in order to get some house work done, and joining them are their four friends to add to the body count…err…I mean party. But when Jennifer finds strange heirlooms left by the previous owners around the house, she gets curious about their past. While shopping at the local general store, an old man warns them of an evil presence that remains at the house, buried away in the graveyard. Of course that means Evan has to be an idiot and remove the magic stick holding the Mask Maker down, and he’s release from his grave. What follows is the violent ordeal of the kids trying to survive the night with a killer on the loose, as he picks them off one by one.
Horror Cliché #294….Victims who close their eyes enter a mini coma, preventing them from having any sense of the world around them
Mask Maker didn’t just suck, it f@cking sucked mega donkey dick. And I say that as a full supporter and lover of low-budget horror. I mean where do you want me to start? I know, first off, the slasher villain was basically just a lifeless walking brute infused with every other classic horror icon. He walked like Jason and wore a mask eerily close to Michael Meyers. There was some crappy back story about how he was the mentally handicapped bastard son of Treat Williams and his housemaid who was some voodoo witch, developed some cyst that had to be drained (which is why his face was so mangled), and then was killed by townspeople. It was really hard to care though because A) really Treat Williams? and B) It was so damn boring and confusingly shot it took too much effort to care. But getting back to the present day killer, his whole schtick was that when he killed someone, he would rip the skin off their decapitated head and wear it like a mask. Right. He would grab the hair, pull up, and magically a clean rubber mask that looked like the character’s head would appear! Never knew skin looked so much like prosthetic rubber, and would come off without any traces of blood or other nasty juices! But that wasn’t even the worst. He would pop up in a room with another character, wearing the laughable dead mask of his last victim, and these characters couldn’t tell the difference between their friend Ken or a deranged psychopath wearing his own clothes but Ken’s skin on his face. And it wasn’t even like it was a dark room where they couldn’t make out features. In a perfectly well-lit room, the characters couldn’t tell Ken magically grew 7 inches, was wearing dirty tattered clothes that looked like someone had been buried in, and oh yeah, HIS FACE SKIN WASN’T ATTACHED TO HIS F#CKING BODY. Honestly? I’m all for silly slashers that do crazy things, but not when the only driving factor is stupidity.
Another huge problem here was that the film kept trudging along based solely on the moronic notions of the brainless script. It was riddled with foreshadowing, but so blatantly obvious it was laughable. It’s funny when characters allude to later actions that may happen with a tongue in cheek type manner. In the same way, it becomes completely annoying when every two minutes a character says something so painfully obvious you’re waiting for him to look into the camera and wink, just to make sure you get it. It didn’t help that our group of D List hopeful actors were god awful either, headed by “Laguna Beach”/”One Tree Hill” “star” Stephen Colletti, with a surprisingly confusing three-line cameo from Jason London (Out Cold/Dazed and Confused). Good lord every single one of them deserved to die for their terrible acting and seemingly mentally challenged decisions. Do I really need to delve into any more details there?
Oh, and I’m still not done. As if everything stated wasn’t enough to keep you out of the film, the whole production looks like it was shot as a crappy soap opera. The green screen scenes were so horribly obvious it was hard not to laugh/shake your head, and the camera work didn’t have the crisp feel of a feature film. I’ve seen straight to DVD films that produced a ten times cleaner product than this final project. All and all, it looked like some piss poor film school project that probably would have received a failing grade anyway.
Mask Maker: Meet Your Maker wasn’t just bad, it was eye-gougingly atrocious. This is the exact cliché ridden horror film I can’t stand watching, and it really gives the genre a bad name. Although, I will give one positive bone to the film and say the gore wasn’t all that bad. At least that was a smidgen entertaining. But, alas, gore doesn’t save films. If you respect the horror genre at all, stay away from this F-Grade garbage. If you aren’t watching this with your friends with the sole purpose of making fun of it, please never talk to me. This may just be the worst film I see this year, and I’ve still got a few more months to go.
Final Rating: 2 terrible Stephen Colletti horror films out of 10
Yup, the only way to get through the film…