Throwdown: Salma Hayek vs. Penelope Cruz

For too long I’ve argued over which gorgeous exotic beauty is better than the other.  For too long I’ve heard the wrong answer.  So, I’m here to settle this once and for all.  If you think Penelope Cruz can come out victorious, get your counter argument ready, ’cause we’re throwin’ down.

VS.

Careers:

+1 Point Salma: For working closely with Robert Rodriguez on his fantastic Desperado/Once Upon A Time In Mexico series, along with the fantastic vampire stripper film From Dusk Till Dawn.  Which brings me to my next point…

+1 Point Salma: She loves playing strippers, shown in a few different roles.  Especially again in From Dusk Till Dawn where she has an entire stage show as she dances with a snake.  She looks like a Godess…

+1 Point Salma: And while I’m on the topic of Rodriguez, watch Desperado.  Salma goes all the way and has a soft-core sex scene with heart throb Antonio Banderas.  Jealous.  Of who?  You decide.

Even Push: Both Salma and Penelope got together to make a film called Bandidas, which portrayed them both as sexy cowgirls in the wild west.  Win!

+1 Point Penelope: She hooked up, not extensively, but still hooked up with Scarlett Johansson in Vicky Cristina Barcelona.  One Point no doubt.

+1 Point Penelope: She starred in Blow with Depp and gets a point just because I love that movie.

Total: Salma 3 Penelope 2- Winna winna chicken dinna…Salma takes down the career aspect.

Looks:

Well I guess if you like tiny bird-faced women, then Penelope is right up your alley.  Just look at it: bony cheeks, long thin pointy nose; not something I’m looking into.  Salma has a much rounder, softer, and supple face, more inviting and much more seductive.  I guess you could make a case for the thick eyebrows, but c’mon they can be trimmed if you really have that big of a problem.  Point Salma! And alright, lets get shallow.  Body type.  Yes, Penelope is pretty.  But is she as smokin’ hot as Salma?  No shot.  Again Penelope looks too much like skin and bones.  Check her out in Blow.  I don’t want a girl who would be gone with a strong gust of wind.  It’s not a bad thing for a girl to have a little meat on her bones.  Salma has full, spectacular curves that give her a figure for men to drool over.  She is a prime example of natural beauty and has looks that take some women 20 surgeries just to get to.  Even as she’s aging she’s still looking just as stunning.  Perfect example was when she guest starred on “30 Rock” recently.  Here she is years after Desperado and such looking just as bodacious as ever.  Give it up Penelope lovers, you’ve got no argument here.  Point Salma!

Final Verdict: No tie-breaker even necessary here.  Salma wins both categories easily here and you can make any case you want.  I’ll have a counter argument.  Final Decision: Salma Hayek.

No shot….

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About Matt Donato

I love all things film. I'll watch any genre, any actor, at any time. This whole film critic thing is a passionate hobby for now which I'm balancing with working in the business world, but hey, someday, who knows?
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3 Responses to Throwdown: Salma Hayek vs. Penelope Cruz

  1. Kelsey says:

    Bullshit.

  2. LNCPapa says:

    I agree 110%

  3. Stan says:

    You don’t have to be a guy to like Salma. She IS smokin’ hot no matter if you’re male or female. SHE IS HOT!

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