NNWIJ: GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009)

Director: Stephen Sommers

Notable Cast: Channing Tatum, Marlon Wayans, Sienna Miller, Dennis Quaid, Christopher Eccleston, Rachel Nichols, Adwale Akinnuoye-Agbaje

Rating: PG-13

Review:  If you grew up playing with GI Joes or watching the GI Joe TV show every weekend as a child, how sadly disappointed you will be by this film.  Sommers basically made your average recyclable action film and slapped GI Joe on the title.  Sure he named the characters after the toys like Duke and Ripcord, but there were no defining characteristics about the Joes.  They looked nothing like their toys looked (and trust me ,I had a ton) which made it extremely hard to even care about.  Rachel Nichols’ character “Scarlett” for instance is supposed to have an orange and purple suit according to her toy, but there was no effort at all put into creating interesting costumes unique to each Joe (like their toys!)  And the Cobra’s?  Just as boring.  Cobra Commander’s mask was laughable and again it seemed there was no connection between the characters on the screen and their TV show/toy characters they were based off.  Again, it just felt like they slapped GI Joe on the title and made a generic movie anyone could have played in.  Snake Eyes and Storm Shawdow were easily the most interesting characters and at least they had their ninja costumes, but their rivalry was also played out horribly predictable.  Oh, and when the love story kicks in towards the end it is so predictable it will seriously make you want to just turn the movie off.  That was the point where this movie completely derailed itself for me.  You know everything that will happen and this film couldn’t be any more cookie-cutter simple.  Here’s the plot, here’s the characters, this is how it ends.  Sure the action was cool in parts, but there was so much CGI in this movie I feel like they just threw a green screen up and started shooting.  They even CGIed a lot of the vehicles in the film which takes a ton of realism out of the movie.  I mean yea, there are much worse movies you could waste your time on, but GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra should be towards the bottom of your list.  As the Joes say, “Knowing is half the battle!”  Well, now you know.  This movie sucked.

Netflix Rating: 2/5 (I’d give it a 1.5 but I couldn’t go as low as 1 on the rating scale, so just note it is a very hesitant 2/5)

About Matt Donato

I love all things film. I'll watch any genre, any actor, at any time. This whole film critic thing is a passionate hobby for now which I'm balancing with working in the business world, but hey, someday, who knows?
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